Who new that life was so messy?…we all did. But to not make life even messier don’t hold in your pee. Yes I really said that, now move on and keep reading because I will explain.
I am aware that I missed a June blog post, but you can create one in your mind using what you think I was doing. Lets see, school ended, I slept a lot to make up for the sleep I lost in quarter one, I did a week of community service, I went to the beach, I did some swimming in a pool, lost a job…didn’t get fired, just lost, and of course I almost peed my pants.
The year was 2019 and I was having a good time…until I was not. This story happened on July 4th, one I will hopefully remember forever because it was funny. On this Independence day I spent my time with my dearest friend and her Italian family. Let me just add a side note here: as a family they run a pastry shop and sell you know, cookies, cake, Italian foods that I don’t know the name of, & such and such…HOWEVER whenever I eat something from that place it tastes like lemon. The colorful cookies taste like lemon, the sugar cookies taste like lemon, but apparently its all in my head, actually I know its all in my head. My friend, we’ll call her “Saggie,” says that none of that food is lemon flavored, and I also know other people that eat Italian “things” and they say it does not taste like lemon. SO maybe there is a science behind why I think these cookies and such taste like lemon…maybe I eat too much chicken, or my showers are so hot that my taste buds get altered, or my palette is just broken.
I am calling her “Saggie” because she is a Sagittarius and I have no other reason. Anyway…I, Saggie and her family spent a good chunk of our day at a beach in Gloucester…for none-Mass residents that is pronounced Glaw-ster. The place seemed pretty suburban so…no thank you…but a lot of the houses were huge.
The beach was not very diverse. I saw a few Black people, some Asian folk, and the population of other races were even lower.
Whatever…I had a lot of fun, I ate a lot of food, went swimming, ate a three dollar ice cream sandwich, got a tan…
I do not like my tanned self…
After the beach it was time to get dinner. I and Saggie’s family of course, went to Friendly’s and I got chicken tenders and fries and honey mustard because I wont eat chicken tenders without honey mustard, anything else does not complete life. Then we got ice cream and THEN I had to pee. Saggie had to use the bathroom too, but she didnt go so I was thinking “well, if she can hold it in so can I.”
By the time we were done eating the squad realized we were going to be late to the fireworks back at home. However, some obstacles caused us to not be able to use the bathroom because soooommee peooplllee wanted to see fireworks so bad.
Obstacles: 1) When I received my ice cream it was incorrect…so I just got another one 2) Other members of the squad that we were trying to meet up with were not communicating…I feel like I’m throwing shade, but being late is not the point…the point is to use the bathroom.
When we left we drove all the way to Saggie’s house in order to meet the other people and I was like “this is great, now I can use the bathroom,” but no…the driver saw that the other people had left already for the fireworks and she did a big U-turn and started to drive towards the fireworks!
Well when we got to the park I was bouncing around everywhere trying to hold everything in. I had to go so bad I had to throw the rest of my ice cream away! Luckily Saggie’s little brother says that there should be a porter-potty around this park somewhere…so we look…did I say “luckily” well…there was no luck and no porter-potty because things were going down from here.
After we look, we meet up with Saggie in order to sit down and enjoy the fireworks. I was able to hold it in for a long time, but then Saggie, yeah I’m calling you out, wanted to get up and look for the porter-potty just to be sure we didn’t miss it. GIRL, you made the need for a bathroom worse, because now I’m moving around and I…and I just cant move! We tried to ask Saggie’s mom for a quick ride back to their home, but the car was blocked in by another car and the only plan I was about to do was to run to their house. Even if it meant leaving Saggie behind, sorry. If I walked it would have been 15 minutes or so and I did not have that kind of time to TAKE my time. So we walk around realizing there is no porty-potty, I’m about to run to their home, and then a friend calls out to us.
Now, this friend of ours…I’ll call her “Bernie”… has a car and can drive so I ask if she had the car with her because I need to go to the bathroom because I’m going to explode. She says “no,” but Bernie’s mom says she can borrow her car in order to drive us to Saggie’s house. She grabs the keys and I’m relieved that we have a ride to a toilet. I sit in the front, while Saggie and her little brother sit in the back and Bernie of course about to drive us. YALL, tell me why Bernie just had to break the car at the worst of times. Bernie tries to start the car and it just wont! She’s confused, Saggie and I are looking at each other like “bruh” and the little brother has to use the bathroom too! Bernie calls her mom and says the car wont start and when I say the mom was there in 9 seconds…yall she was at the car so fast…it took us like five minutes to walk to the car so why did it take the mom so little time. The mom tells Bernie to step out, says that she really messed up the car and the mom ended up fixing the problem. So finally, after all this time we have a ride and we all get to use the bathroom…I first.
If you think you can hold it in, you probably can’t. You only think you can because you know that nothing should get in the way of you and the bathroom. But sometimes people pull U-turns, porty-pottys aren’t available, and cars break down, causing you to be far away from a lavatory…or whatever other term for bathroom it is.
I’m not editing this…its almost eleven and my eyes burn